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Hating Clinton was fun, but some people don't know when to quit! Announcing a NEW 12-step Program to STOP HATING CLINTON (and just despise the very air he breathes)

1-800-555-1212
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C.H.A. HotLine!

You know how a businessman says "Screw You!" ? He asks you to trust him.
Hello? CHA Hotline? You've got to help me. I'm ...


We hate him. But we have to stop and rule the world now. But we hate him. Aaaaargh! Must stop. Must ...

Clinton Haters Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from Clintonism.

The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop hating. There are no dues or fees for C.H.A. membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. C.H.A. is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy; neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other Clinton Haters to achieve sobriety.

zowie!
Special Report: 

Clinton Haters Anonymous
take the test: 

Answer YES or NO to the following questions.


1 - Have you ever decided to stop hating him for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?

Most of us in C.H.A. made all kinds of promises to ourselves and to our families. We could not keep them. Then we came to C.H.A. C.H.A. said: "Just try not to hate him today." (If you do not hate today, you probably won't get apoplectic today.)

Yes No

 2 - Do you wish people would mind their own business about your hating-- stop telling you what to do?

In C.H.A. we do not tell anyone to do anything. We just talk about our own hating, the trouble we got into, and how we stopped. We will be glad to help you, if you want us to.

Yes No


3 - Have you ever switched from one kind of hate to another in the hope that this would keep you from tantrums?

We tried all kinds of ways. We made our hates weak. Or just cursed. Or we did not hate liberals. Or only ranted on weekends. You name it, we tried it. But if we screamed anything with Clinton in it, we usually chewed the carpets eventually.

Yes No


4 - Have you had to have a rant upon awakening during the past year?

Do you need a tantrum to get started, or to stop shaking? This is a pretty sure sign that you are not hating "socially."

Yes No


5 - Do you envy people who can hate without getting into trouble, like Bob Barr?

At one time or another, most of us have wondered why we were not like most people, who really can take it or leave it. But liberalism drives us nuts!!!!!

Yes No


6 - Have you had problems connected with hating during the past year?

Be honest! Doctors say that if you have a problem with Clinton and keep on hating, it will get worse -- never better. Eventually, you will die, or end up in an institution for the rest of your life. The only hope is to stop hating and start ruling.

Yes No


7 - Has your hating caused trouble at home?

Before we came into C.H.A., most of us said that it was Clinton that made us hate. We could not see that our hating just made everything worse. It never solved problems anywhere or anytime. Now, we must be Ubermenschen, and put petty hatred behind us.

Yes No


8 - Do you ever try to get in "extra" rants at a party because you do not get enough?

Most of us used to have a "few" before we started out if we thought it was going to be that kind of party. And if hates were not spewed fast enough, we would go some place else to get more. Or we'd listen to replays of Rush.

Yes No


9 - Do you tell yourself you can stop hating any time you want to, even though you keep screaming and cursing when you don't mean to?

Many of us kidded ourselves into thinking that we hated because we wanted to. After we came into C.H.A., we found out that once we started to hate, we couldn't stop.

Yes No


10 - Have you missed days of work or school because of hating?

Many of us admit now that we "called in sick" lots of times when the truth was that we were pissed off at Clinton and that Lewinsky girl. And that Hillary! Geez she makes us mad!

Yes No


11 - Do you have "blackouts"?

A "blackout" is when we have been hating hours or days which we cannot remember. When we came to C.H.A., we found out that this is a pretty sure sign of
Clinton Hate Addiction.

Yes No


12 - Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not hate?

Many of us started to hate because hating made life seem better, at least for a while. By the time we got into C.H.A., we felt trapped. We were hating to live and living to hate. We were sick and tired of being sick and tired. We just wanted him in prison with shackles on.

Yes No

What's your score?

Did you answer YES four or more times? If so, you are probably in trouble with Clinton Hate Addiction. Why do we say this? Because thousands of people in C.H.A. have said so for many years. They found out the truth about themselves — the hard way.

But again, only you can decide whether you think C.H.A. is for you. Try to keep an open mind on the subject. If the answer is YES, we will be glad to show you how we stopped hating him and learned to merely despise. Just call.

C.H.A. does not promise to solve your political problems. But we can show you how we are learning to live without hating "one day at a time." We stay away from that "first hate." If there is no first one, there cannot be a tenth one. And when we got rid of Clinton, we found that life became much more manageable.

Clinton Haters Anonymous® is a fellowship of Repubblican men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from Clinton hating.

• The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop hating. There are no dues or fees for C.H.A. membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions.
• C.H.A. is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy; neither endorses nor opposes any causes.
• Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other Clinton Haters to achieve an appearance of clean sobriety.

zowie!

 

The Twelve Steps of Clinton Haters Anonymous

zowie!

The letter 't' is the fifth letter in 'Clinton'he relative success of the C.H.A. program seems to be due to the fact that an Clinton Hater who no longer hates has an exceptional faculty for "reaching" and helping an uncontrolled hater.

In simplest form, the C.H.A. program operates when a recovered Clinton Hater passes along the story of his or her own problem hating, describes the political power he or she has found in C.H.A., and invites the newcomer to join the informal Fellowship.

The heart of the suggested program of personal recovery is contained in Twelve Steps describing the experience of the earliest members of the Society:

  1. We admitted we were powerless over Clinton - that our lives had become unmanageable.

  2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. The Festival of Mendacity (formerly the Repubblican Party) was that power.

  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell explained Him to us.

  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves and realized that we were far superior to godless, wimpy liberals.

  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs, mostly wasting time hating Clinton when there was so much FOM work to do, faxing, mailing, fundraising.

  6. Were entirely ready to have the 700 Club remove all these defects of character.

  7. Humbly asked the FOM to remove our shortcomings and part of our savings.

  8. Made a list of all persons we had failed to support, and became willing to make amends to them all by helping them to win elections.

  9. Made direct contributions to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would be flagrant embezzlement of corporate funds..

  10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it and wrote a check to the FOM National Committee at 1200 Wyoming Avenue, NW, Washington, DC 20202

  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as Robertson or Falwell explained Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us, the cash to contribute and the power to carry that out.

  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to Clinton Haters and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Newcomers are not asked to accept or follow these Twelve Steps in their entirety if they feel unwilling or unable to do so.

They will usually be asked to keep an open mind, to attend meetings at which recovered Clinton Haters describe their personal experiences in achieving sobriety, and to read C.H.A. literature describing and interpreting the C.H.A. program.

C.H.A. members will usually emphasize to newcomers that only problem haters themselves, individually, can determine whether or not they are in fact Clinton Haters.

At the same time, it will be pointed out that all available medical testimony indicates that Clintonism is a progressive illness, that it cannot be cured in the ordinary sense of the term, but that it can be arrested through total abstinence from alcohol in any form.

zowie!

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Some Recovering Clinton Haters!

 

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re-webposted 01-01-01

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Last updated 01/01/05