The Commonwealth of Blogistan

Formerly known as "The People's Republic of Blogistan," we are under "New Management," so to speak. (cough). The "Real Westerners" pledge a democratic and clean government based on the virtues of honesty, decency, and hard work. We accept all major credit cards but are sometimes closed on weekends. No vaccinations are required, but a current passport and a visa are necessary. Inquire before traveling.

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Name: Ed Waldo
Location: of The West

I am a fictional construct originally conceived as a pen name for articles in the Los Angeles FREE PRESS at the 2000 Democratic Convention. The plume relating to the nom in question rests in the left hand of Hart Williams, about whom, the less said, the better. Officially "SMEARED" by the Howie Rich Gang. And now, smeared by Fox News and Sean Hannity, as well! Plus, FEARED by Ted Nugent! AND Hated by the Freepers!

30 September 2007

Welcome (Transcript)

[Begin Transcript]

NOTE: The Following is a transcript of the first official statement of the new government of Blogistan (formerly known as "The People's Republic of Blogistan," now called "The Commonwealth of Blogistan") by the newly appointed Minister of Information, Guadelupe "Chuckles" Hidalgo, the former owner of the Hidalgo Trading Company, before its expropriation. The international press is currently confined to the former Presidential Palace, and sporadic street fighting can still be heard throughout the capital city. However, the government is now firmly in the hands of the 'Real, Actual Westerners,' led by the shadowy figure sometimes referred to as "Subcommandante Williams," "the glorious leader," "El Commandante," or just, "that schmuck."

MR. HIDALGO: We still have to clean the bloodstains from the walls, and don't mind those burn marks, the decorator is coming next week. We'd like you to step into the recently ... um, er, the UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT offices formerly belonging to "el Presidente," who, alas, could not be here to witness the rebirth of democratic principles and clean government.

"El Presidente" has pressing business ... elsewhere, as you gentlemen and ladies of the international press can probably imagine. Our Glorious Leader, Hart Williams, will be here shortly to hold a press conference, but in the meantime, we invite you to have a seat -- please brush them off first, we don't want any glass shards ruining your day, and our medical staff is probably too busy right now to treat you, so DO be careful.

Courtesy of the ... wait.

[Gunfire is heard: a volley and then sporadic firing and whoops of celebration]

Courtesy of the late El Presidente, please have some of this excellent champagne, beluga caviar, and truffles. We have plenty, and it's all perishable, so please eat up.

El Commandante Williams will be with you shortly.

Long Live The Commonwealth of Blogistan!
[end transcript]


Bill Eagle said...

sure appreciate the invite. Other than the blood stains, this place looks reasonably nice.
My God the Champaign is good, but what is this caviar stuff? It sure tastes salty. Jeeze I never had any before, it almost looks like black fish eggs. How do they make it anyway?
Now that I am here, I do have a few questions to ask, if that is alright with you. Where do I sleep anyway? Is there a hotel, or can I stay here at the Presidential palace? Damn zipper broke on my suit case, and I had to tie it up with a shoe lace. I am going to have to buy some new luggage. What is the shopping like here and how long is my Visa good for? I haven't checked on the currency exchange rate yet. I noticed that some of the windows in town were still boarded up. When do you expect things to get back to "business as usual?"
By the way, is there some place where you can, uh, freshen up? I have to pee so bad I can almost taste it.

Anyway, thanks for the invite. I think I will like it here.

I will like it here won't I?

10/01/2007 08:42:00 AM  
Mac McFadden said...

My Visa may have expired. Do you take Discover or MasterCard?
It's nice to see the "equipment" I helped "import" put to good use. How's the ammo holding up?

10/01/2007 11:30:00 AM  
Mark Englehart said...

I love the smell of cordite in the morning... (say, has anyone seen Nugent?)
Viva la Revolucion, but in the words of the old El Presidente, "Fool me once, shame on you, but you can't get fooled again." They really left us no choice but violent revolution; now the hard work begins to establish a just government on the ashes of a corrupt one; to succeed where so many have failed.
Ah, leave it till tomorrow. Pass the caviar, I understand it's a secret family recipe...

10/01/2007 10:02:00 PM  

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